Trampling in the dirt

Since the Trampers are smaller than the rest, it is best to communicate with them calmly and good-naturedly. When using calm questions, refrain from raising your voice and arrogant remarks: this makes people defensive and act even more defiant.

This method is similar to a small exam, the purpose of which is to find out what exactly annoys a person. Keeping a thorough, non-aggressive tone, you will notice how surprisingly the venomous behavior of the Trampler changes, how he becomes calmer, softer, how he smiles when he manages to get to the bottom of the truth.

Most often, people put you down when you have something they don't have, or when your behavior offends them in some way. In most cases, they feel out of place around you. Therefore, a compassionate method that will make it easier for you to communicate with them is equally successful.

Chatterbox

When communicating with a Chatterbox, a way to relieve tension is indispensable. It will help you keep your cool. Try the replacement fantasy method. Talkers should know that their endless chatter is usually inappropriate, so the way of open protest will also be effective. It is best to resort to it without extraneous witnesses, for the Chatterbox will have to save the day in order to maintain his dignity.

You can start by gently and affectionately reassuring Chatterbox how much you love him (if so), but that sometimes he talks too much about things that are not of interest to everyone. Teach Chatterbox to look at the facial expressions and postures of others in order to understand the degree of their interest. At first, Chatterbox may be shocked, and this will cause him to react defensively. If so, you will have to be more frank and give examples of his tiresome chatter. But do not forget to assure that you still understand and love him.

Invite him to remember that a certain gesture - raising his eyebrows, touching - can serve as a signal for him to turn the conversation. Often, defensive reactions and fear are caused by the inability to master basic communication skills and understand the facial and body language of others.

If the Chatterbox is impenetrable or continues to use your time and energy, you should be firm, using the method of open protest, and not let him overstep the bounds of what is permitted.

Consumer

When communicating with the Consumer, the method of open protest is one of the ways out. This method allows you to make it clear that you feel used and offended. In some cases, resistance on your part makes the Consumer feel remorse for his nasty things. If the Consumer cares about your friendship and respect, he may look at himself and your reactions in a different way. If you can manage to remain calm, the way of open protest will allow you to start a dialogue that will help restore a damaged relationship. If you feel that they are trying to manipulate you, to use you in this situation, say directly and harshly: "No, it won't work. I won't let anyone treat me like that, I don't like it."

Another option is to leave and no longer give the consumer the opportunity to use you.

Evil Upstart Tyrant

Very often these dictators, when fought with the same weapons, are both astonished and disgusted at their conduct. In fact, by fighting back their anger, you can once and for all protect yourself from such attacks. By shouting louder than they do, you will regain your courage.

In addition, the way of scandal is suitable in dealing with the Upstart-tyrant. Don't let him torture you with his "quirks" and enjoy your humiliation. On the contrary, act boldly and coolly. If you put him in his place, Upstart may even start to respect you. Do not give him the pleasure of seeing your fear.

Your tyrant boss will also feel respect for you, although he may explode even more. You will win either way: even if he unleashes his fury on you, you will at least retain your dignity. Another possibility is to move away from the Upstart Tyrant and stay as far away from him as possible. A humorous way will help too. There are many cases when good-natured humor saved the situation and the ardor of the tyrant died down.

Joker

The method of open protest immediately lets the Joker know that you do not consider him witty and do not intend to be the object of vile jokes and stories.

It is necessary to maintain a firm tone in order to silence him. Do not be afraid to talk to the Joker in this way, because in a good way he does not understand. When the Joker releases a venomous joke at you and justifies himself by saying that he was "just fooling around", or trying to provoke you with the remark: "Don't you understand jokes?" - put it in its place immediately. Tell him that you understand the jokes, but do not find anything funny in what he spun. Don't worry about hurting him or hurting his feelings. After all, this person doesn't really care about your feelings.

Since the Joker builds a wall of jokes in front of him to protect his frail self-esteem, you may not be able to break his offensive demeanor. The joker can just give up on you and continue in the same spirit. In such a case, refer to the method of scandal. Also remind the Prankster, using the method of open protest, that today's plight in the world will quickly put an end to his jokes, especially if they are dangerous from the point of view of the norms of interracial or sexual behavior.

Ignorant

In dealing with the Ignorant, all the variety of methods is at your disposal. Which one you choose depends on how ignorant or stupid you are. Start with a way to relieve tension if the opponent seems so unbearable to you that you can only hold your breath to contain your anger.

It's usually not enough to take your anger out on the Ignorant. Therefore, you can influence him using the method of open protest, explaining, like a small child, that his actions are completely inappropriate.

Madman

Lunatics work best with stress relief and quiet questions. The more calm you are, the less you provoke the Madman and the easier it will be for you to communicate.

Ultimately, you can always get away from the Lunatics and do more enjoyable things, because without professional help, they will never be able to change their difficult behavior. Do what you can to send such a person to a doctor, and if you fail, save yourself. Even if you are beside yourself and ready to strangle someone who is doing you nasty things, always suppress your aggressive impulses and do not do anything that can ruin your future and put your life in danger.

When faced with the Madmen, never try to take matters into your own hands, but try to find legal ways. Then, no matter how painful it is, tell yourself, "I won't think about it," to deal with the bitterness in your heart sown by the Madman.

shameless liar

The best way to deal with the Shameless Liar is to ask calm questions. If, suspecting him of a lie, you begin to pour questions, the Liar will eventually be cornered and appear in the open.

Then comes the turn of the method of open protest, which lets the Liar know that you have seen through him, as some Liars withhold the truth just to impress you. You may want to help them save their reputation, even though you know they are lying. Adopt a way to relieve tension, and let the Liar weave anything. And if he wants to impress you with harmless fiction, use a humorous way. A slight grin on your face often shows the Liar that you are aware of the true state of affairs, but are not inclined to humiliate him.

Dirty dog

The dirty trickster should unambiguously make it clear that his nasty things are by no means welcome and look disgusting. The method of scandal, and then the method of retreat, will best explain the mischief of this type of your attitude towards him.

You should not be polite and friendly with the Dirty, as this, as a rule, does not impress them. These manipulators are too dangerous, so after you give them a pepper, leave immediately! Don't let bad guys into your life.

Miser

Miser are a classic type of mischievous creatures, because they have an unusually low self-esteem. In communicating with the Miser, the method of calm questions can help you. By asking certain questions, you will let him know how unpleasant stinginess is. Most likely, the Curmudgeon will be embarrassed to learn of your point of view. And the answers will shed light on his hidden fears, which will make you more understanding and patient with your opponent, even if he behaves unworthily.

Another way is the method of open protest. The necessary conditions- compassion and understanding, therefore, when communicating with the Miser, stick to a friendly tone. The way of love and kindness will best demonstrate your empathy.

Narcissus

The narcissist is not in a position to talk about anything unless it is related to himself. The way of love and kindness works best in communicating with him, since Narcissus is selfish and absorbed in his own person solely because of deep fears, insecurity and complexes. Understanding this will help you feel better about the Narcissist's problems and interact with him more successfully. The narcissist does not strive at all costs to be selfish, he is so because of low self-esteem. The narcissist does not know how to give something to others, because he is too exhausted, worthless and preoccupied with his own problems.

If his self-absorption drains your patience, a way to relieve tension will calm you and help you continue communication. If the selfishness and insecurity of the Narcissist offends you, you must speak up about it using the method of open protest. However, keep a calm, reserved tone, otherwise you will not be listened to. If you start blaming and snarling, Narcissus will become defensive, scolding you and denying his self-centeredness. His "I" is usually fragile, like an eggshell.

If you notice that the Narcissist only communicates with you when it is convenient for him, does not pay attention to your words, transfers all conversations to himself, you may ask why he chose you. You can bow out and leave Narcissus. Most people who encounter Narcissus end up opting for the retreat method, as there comes a point where their patience runs out. After you stop communicating with the Narcissist, you will be helped by thinking: "I will not think about it" when you suddenly think of him, and a humorous way that will show the absurdity of his behavior.

Podliza

Despite the fact that Slickers are shameless manipulators, you do not have the courage to blame them for everything, because deep down you still believe that at least the smallest of what they say is true. When the sugar flattery just starts to pour over the edge, a way to relieve tension will help you cope with unpleasant emotions. If this is not enough to overcome the dislike, seize on a humorous way to put a stop to the Slicker's desire to please you.

You can smile and say good-naturedly: "Come on, go on, am I really like you say? You probably need something from me." This combination of humor and outright protest can lead to an outburst of denial, followed by other hilarious remarks like "if you don't stop talking in that honeyed voice I'm going to get diabetes" or "are you pouring that sweet syrup on me to watch?" , how will the ants stick around me?", or "Are you tired of it yet?" Show them that you can see through their sycophantic "things". If you can't stand the Podliz and their flattery anymore, try the mirror method. Talk to them just like them, imitating their sweet voice. They usually figure out what's going on.

Self-satisfied despot

When confronted by the Smug Despot, immediately show him, using calm questions, how unpleasant and boring he is to you.

If, on the other hand, the Smug Despot is in an unapproachable position and you find it dangerous to use the mirror method, settle for the substitutive fantasy mode to spend time with the Despot without hurting yourself.

haughty snob

When Haughty Snobs sing along to their favorite song, "I'm Better Than You," the quiet questioning method works best. Ask Snobs more questions so that they understand the absurdity of their claims to others. Questions like "who told you that you are better than the rest?" or "why don't you talk to that person?" usually knocked down their arrogance, because they do not know what to answer.

It is very pleasant to tell the Arrogant Snobs everything that you think, because they do not expect such a turn of events and are shocked by your attacks. If you find you've had enough meanness from the Arrogant Snob and his friends, drop them and leave, saving your nerves. People who think they're better than you don't deserve attention.

Competitor

These days, women are often more successful than their male friends, and some insecure men can't put up with it. Although many of these men consider themselves highly developed and progressive people, they, like fossils, are unable to get rid of the youthful belief that boys should be bigger, better, stronger and smarter than girls.

Mentor

The mentor - a little despot - simply cannot live without playing the role of the first violin. But if children can still be brought up, then adults with their established beliefs and values ​​experience only irritation and humiliation when someone tries to control them.

Don't let the Master down. Explain that you are not concerned with his desire to lead everything, but trying to lead you is annoying. At the first suspicion of such behavior, you need to use the method of open protest. The method of the mirror also works wonders, making the Mentor alert, for he instantly boils at the slightest attempt to control himself. The mentor clearly cannot stand being treated the way he treats others. Remember that if you persistently mimic him, he may not be indebted and go berserk. However, having felt in his own skin what it is like to be taught what, how and when to do, he will stop his attempts to tell you.

Ruthless Monitors deserve a way of scandal. Turn on your heels, tuck in your stomach, and loudly declare that you will no longer tolerate being controlled and told what to do, since you are a reasonable adult who is quite capable of making decisions on his own. A little rudeness will show this person how much anger you are capable of. If nothing helps and the Mentor continues to control you, delivering anxiety and grief, you will have to retreat. Otherwise, be sure: you will cease to be yourself and forget how to think for yourself.

Suspicious skeptic

Show as much patience as possible. The way to relieve stress will help you get rid of negative emotions. If you decide to support the skeptics through the method of love and kindness, you may gain good friends and allies.

If these people get on your nerves too much, you will have to retreat in the same way as in the case of other Harmful Beings that take a lot of energy from you. Leave them in the care of psychologists!

Bad people at work

Like neighbors, employees are not chosen - unless you are the head of the firm. But today's situation in the financial world sometimes does not even allow bosses to choose their employees and clients at will.

In our turbulent times, an employee is required to master the skills of communicating with all types of harmful people in order not to lose his job. In the workplace, dealing with difficult people is truly a matter of survival. Stress relief "I won't think about it" and substituted fantasy can be your closest allies at work.

Bad bosses. Bosses are bosses, they are the first violins, so whether you respect them or not is a secondary issue if you want to keep your job and earn a living. The main thing for you is to learn how to adequately deal with them and deal with your own anger. Bad people in positions of power tend to be Vicious Upstart Tyrants, Blaming Critics, Mentors, Consumers, Competitors, Smiling Two-Faced Janus and Miser or variations thereof.

If you value your workplace, other methods may be risky. You can't force bosses to get defensive and make them look bad, because it's always up to them and there's nothing you can do about it - so express your anger in a more acceptable way.

If your work is not of great value to you, take a chance and use the methods of open protest, calm questions, a mirror, or a scandal. After all, is it worth holding on to work if anxiety and stress threaten your health? Leave if you can. We don't need to be victims anymore. Now there is an opportunity to raise your voice, leave or go to the appropriate authorities that will help us sort things out.

Bad employees. A harmful employee may appear in the guise of a Competitor, Trampling in the dirt, Smiling two-faced Janus, Gossip, Dirty or Instigator. Although the work environment is very different from the home environment, many people tend to look at the boss as a parent and see employees as brothers and sisters. As a result, they are often transferred to the working environment.

The most effective ways to relieve stress and calm questions are applicable to harmful employees. Never lose your temper and do not break into a scandal. Verbal abuse at work is unacceptable under any circumstances! Whatever the situation, you must behave like a professional and cultured person. If you are too provoked to a quarrel, use the method of open protest with both the harmful employee and the boss, bluntly telling the latter what happened. Let a difficult colleague know that you understand what's what, and are not going to follow his lead, but go to the higher authorities - to the boss - for justice and fairness.

Bad subordinates. Some subordinates are so envious of their superiors that they take on the role of the Gossip, the Dormant but Deadly Volcano, the Instigator, the Slicker, the Smug Despot, or the Suspicious Skeptic. Subordinates should behave correctly with the boss, at least by virtue of their position, while the boss should respect the subordinates, while taking a position of authority. A boss who is dissatisfied with a subordinate must always remain calm, never give in to anger and not use the method of scandal. In dealing with harmful subordinates, it is necessary to master the methods of open protest and calm questions.

Bad professionals. There are harmful representatives of authority and there are harmful professionals: doctors, lawyers, businessmen, politicians and even psychologists. No matter how educated these people are, no matter how successful they are in school, later in medical school, advocacy and successful delivery all examinations, this does not give them the right to consider themselves superior to others and insult them.

Too often professionals hide behind their titles and degrees, which make them feel more significant and powerful. Too often they display their venomous behavior as Vicious Upstart Tyrants, Doom Fighters, Competitors, Smiling Two-Faced Januses, Tramplers, Narcissists, Arrogant Snobs, Mentors, or Suspicious Skeptics.

Such harmful professionals must be put in their place. Their job is to help and support. And it doesn't matter how famous these doctors and lawyers are or how many articles have been written about them - first of all they are obliged to help you. You pay them money, you need their services, so don't be afraid of them. You have every right to ask them questions and expect to be treated with courtesy. It is best to use the method of calm questions when dealing with harmful professionals. The key word is calm. After all, they are also sensitive creatures and often take offense if your voice sounds like a complaint. They will start to defend themselves by talking down to you or being rude. Therefore, when communicating with them, it is extremely necessary to monitor your intonations.

Keep a calm and polite tone, loud enough, but not harsh or loud. If, despite your polite manner, their tone leaves much to be desired, use the method of open protest and say calmly but firmly that you prefer a more polite manner and will not tolerate humiliation.

Bad staff. Malicious service people can manifest themselves as Arrogant Snobs, Smug Despots, Consumers, Vicious Upstart Tyrants, Chatterboxes, Competitors, Smiling Two-Faced Januses or Slickies. Perhaps many salespeople today are rude and ungracious because they are jealous of your ability to buy what they cannot afford. They would gladly be in your place - the place of the buyer, not the seller.

Whatever makes such people poisonous, you should not suffer from it. Now you have the opportunity to adequately get out of unpleasant situations. An open protest must be applied to harmful members of the service personnel. If it does not help, try the mirror method, and if it does not work, do not accept their help at all. Better use the method of scandal and retreat - leave and do not pay for services not rendered.

Do you have a choice

Harmful people poison our lives from all sides. They seep into our daily affairs from everywhere. But stop running and hiding. If the image of a harmful person is applicable to someone you know and you understand what it is about him that repels you, perhaps this understanding alone will be enough. In fact, to understand everything means to forgive, and you no longer have to accumulate unpleasant feelings in yourself.

What it looks like: You are convinced that you thought you had false memories of hurt feelings, or that you were hallucinating. This is done in order to sow doubts in you. Then you will be a toy in the hands of the manipulator.

What to do: keep a diary, where to record oddities and visit a psychologist. When you catch a gaslighter hot, leave. These people are not treated.

PROJECTION

What it looks like: a person accuses you and others of what he himself is prone to. The liar is in a lie. A rude man in nitpicking and so on. A person considers himself an innocent angel.

What to do: do not listen, do not express sympathy. Do not support conversations on these topics. In severe cases, leave the person.

Senseless TALK ABOUT NOTHING

What it looks like: You are being pulled into a conversation that is of no use. “But if all women were given the opportunity to kill children, what would the world look like?” The challenge is to make you a listener to self-admiration.

What to do: Just don't participate. Exactly from the moment you stop understanding why you need it?

GENERALIZATIONS

What it looks like: keywords “everything, always, constantly”, etc. “You are always gloomy”, “all men are goats”, “you are constantly nervous.” Any particular case is built into a system.

What to do: Do ​​not carry on a conversation. Ask the question: “What problem are we solving now, specifically?”. If there is no answer, leave the topic.

What it looks like: your words are distorted and brought to the point of absurdity. The phrase: "the cookie is burnt" is interpreted as "Oh, you don't love your mother-in-law?"

What to do: You are expected to feel guilty. Don't accept it. Leave the conversation, warning that you will not discuss fiction.

NICKING

What it looks like: You will never be good enough to be loved. Yes, the house is cleaned, but you come home from work late.

What to do: have your own opinion. You will not get approval here, no matter how you jump after this carrot. Solution: Don't like it? Do better, but on your own. I'm not going to be perfect."

CHANGE OF THE TOPIC TO DOUBLE QUESTIONS

What it looks like: "It doesn't matter now, you'd better think about it."

What to do: “We either discuss it or we don't discuss anything. It is important".

HIDDEN THREATS

What it looks like: “Do you understand how this will end for you?”

What to do: "No, tell me straight." If they evade a direct answer, voice it yourself: “You will stop giving money for children, did I understand correctly? Ok, I'll take that into account right away and take action."

ABUSE AND BABELS

What it looks like: you are reviled with the last words so that you are confused.

What to do: "I will not allow you to communicate with me in such a tone," and immediately interrupt the conversation. Get out of the house, hang up, interrupt decisively.

TOXIC DISAPPOINTMENT

What it looks like: you are gradually being explained that you are a nonentity, your achievements are ridiculous, and your only use is to serve a toxic person. “Well, at least you can cook, but you are no singer.”

What to do: Break the relationship at the first attempt to devalue you. There is no cure, the poison will be injected into you drop by drop for many weeks until you feel like a complete nonentity.

LIES AND GOSSIP ABOUT YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK

What it looks like: there will be no direct conflict. It's just that people will gradually start to avoid you, having heard enough gossip.

What to do: find out the source. “Who said that about me? “Mmm, everyone is talking. - Choir? Who said first? Why won't he say it to my face?" Then openly bring the gossip to clean water, with noise, publicity and public exposure. That's exactly what they're afraid of.

LOVE AND SHARP DISAPPOINTMENT

What it looks like: you are surrounded by adoration, then to sharply start criticizing when you are in seventh heaven with happiness. Such a difference breaks self-esteem and you try to curry favor with those who adored.

What to do: Ask the person about their past relationships and co-workers. If you hear something like “they are full of nothingness” - do not believe any praise from this person anymore.

"YOU CAN TRUST ME"

What it looks like: they actively tell you what a good person is in front of you, how you can rely on him and in general.

What to do: do not believe the words. Believe in deeds. Get information about it. Self-praise is generally a wake-up call. good people there is usually no need to present themselves, they already know that they are good.

THIRD WHEEL

What it looks like: You are being told that you are bad and amplifying a third person argument. "That's what my sister thinks."

What to do: do not believe. You are being lied to or a third person has been turned against you. Talk to a third person in private later, and explain to the manipulator that you cannot be crushed by a mass of opinions. "What do YOU ​​want from me, not sister?"

INNOCENT JOKE THAT HUMILATES YOU

What it looks like: they say nasty things to you as if in jest and laughing. The goal is to make you insecure.

What to do: Do ​​not rush to answer immediately. Think for a few seconds, and then clearly state that you never want to hear this about yourself again. Quit the conversation if this happens again.

FALSE APOLOGIES AND PROMISES

What it looks like: they repent before you and ask for forgiveness.

What to do: believe not in words, but in deeds. Don't forgive until you are sure the person has actively stopped doing what they were apologizing for.

CATTERING JOKES, OPEN AGGRESSION

What it looks like: you are laughed at evil and with pleasure.

What to do: Respond with icy aggression, not raising your voice much, but threateningly and forbid such behavior. If there is no response, leave.

condescending jokes

What it looks like: you get a pat on the back.

What to do: “What makes you think that you have the right to talk to me like that, huh? Come to your senses, you are not my parent"

SHAME

What it looks like: past mistakes or sins are brought to mind to make you guilty and obedient.

What to do: Do ​​not be frank with people you suspect of toxicity. Stop such attempts with a firm: "This is only my business, not yours."

CONTROL

What it looks like: You are required to report expenses, your time, your friends and your feelings, etc.

What to do: having noticed a trend, raise the question as harshly as possible: “Why do you consider yourself entitled to demand an account from me in this? I am an adult, and I manage on my own, without control.

It is terribly unpleasant when people say nasty things to us. Indignation, resentment, anger and other negative feelings arise inside and grow by leaps and bounds. And now they are already overflowing so that thoughts are confused and the mind is clouded. In actions, you can cross the threshold of adequacy.

Have you ever come across a situation where people say all sorts of nasty things about you? If you have, then this article is for you. With the help of Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology, we will consider what kind of people say nasty things and why.

talk nasty things - is to express dislike

I remember one story from my childhood.I was in first grade. And on the way to school I always met two girls.They studied in a parallel class, were friends. And they always went to school together. And I walked alone. They were always yelling at me some kind of teaser and laughing out loud. It seems that nothing dangerous happened to me. But I felt for them hatred. Still remember the feeling fear and danger. I even dreamed of walking along a different road, which, unfortunately, did not exist.

Probably, almost everyone can remember a similar story.

Why can children say nasty things and feel hostility, it would seem, innocent creatures? When adult men and women say nasty things, you can somehow explain it to yourself. It happens, and there is a reason. But children?

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan reveals the reasons why people say nasty things.

It was a discovery for me when I learned that dislike arose from the time of primitive man, due to the need to limit food:

- Today was an unsuccessful hunt, we did not manage to bring a single mammoth into the cave.

- And what do we do now? How to survive if there is not enough food for everyone?

- Save stock!

- But I want to eat! I am still a primitive animal and cannot limit my desire for food. I have a desire to eat my neighbor. But according to the laws of the pack, I cannot eat it, because then we will all die. Therefore, I hate him, but I tolerate my dislike.

In the strongest tension - "I want but I can not!" - enmity towards one's neighbor arises. And in order to save himself, primitive man begins to sublimate hostility into socially useful activity.

The more benefit he brought to his flock, that is, to other people, the more secure he can feel in it. For example, he learned how to make a stone ax and became an indispensable specialist. Now for the primitive flock it needs to be protected more. This is the way the human species survives. - be helpful to others.

And to this day, a person increases his value through professional implementation in society. - from stone ax to spaceship. And the natural hostility with which a child is born is the impetus for its development.

When we watch babies in the sandbox, kindergarten - in terms of their level of development, they do not differ much from primitive man: they fight, push, take away toys from each other. Having learned to speak, they begin to call names. The child tries to preserve himself and ensure his rank according to his mental properties.

And only in the process of education a cultural layer is laid, and children learn to empathize, sympathize, compassion and love. Culture limits dislike. A well-bred child behaves in a team in a completely different way - he knows how to negotiate, stand up for the weak and listen to an adult, respect the feelings of another person. Thus, through culture, humanity develops from a hostile species into a sensual one.

But if it happens that the environment in which the child develops is not able to help him overcome the archetypal hostility, to form cultural values, the child grows up malevolent, that is, experiencing joy from the fact that another is bad.

To speak nasty things to a person is to express your dislike. In terms of content, they can be very different - foul language, ridicule, gossip and slander. But the root of all these insults is natural hostility, the desire to "eat" another. IN modern world psychologically, of course.

Why do we say nasty things

In addition to a lack of cultural education, men or women can say nasty things when they experience frustrations - negative states arising from the inability to get what they want or be realized in society.

Realization occurs through the fulfillment of natural desires, which for each person make up their own unique composition - a set of vectors.

The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan reveals to us the eight-dimensional matrix of the general mental, as well as the properties, features and characteristics of each vector. Thanks to this, one can observe and understand what desires drive a person, how much his properties have developed and how strong his frustrations are.

"I want and I don't get"- this is the strongest internal tension. People who say nasty things, in this way, release this tension through others.

Moreover, verbal expressions and "special effects" in people with different properties have their own characteristics.

For example, a not very developed and unrealized person with necessarily good friend"Wash the bones" to another. Talking nasty things - in the form of dirtying and criticizing, being offended - this is his favorite pastime: “There is Lenka from the sales department - all in sables and diamonds, and what a scary thing, a long nose, eyes like a fish, and what do the men find in her? I send…”. Expressions in the form of toilet vocabulary are also characteristic of a person with an anal vector: “What, are your hands growing out of w...?” and the like.

Nasty things in the form of gossip, lies and slander are loved by unrealized people with an oral vector. They will definitely come up with a story that everyone will believe and a feature of which will be a sexual plot: “I saw her with one man, then with another, and he, my friend, told me sooooo about her ...”. An undeveloped person with an oral vector will “decorate” his speech with swear words.

“Refined” and “refined” nasty things can be said by an unrealized person with a visual vector. As a rule, he evaluates other people according to some intellectual and behavioral patterns that he himself has created. Convinced of his superiority, he speaks ironically and dismissively about people who do not meet his criteria for development. And in words often there can be nothing offensive. The "sophistication" here lies in the intonation, which can be accompanied by a rolling of the eyes, a shrug of the shoulders. All this makes communication with such a snob extremely unpleasant.

Whatever properties a person possesses, if he is happy and feels good, he will not feel hostility and say nasty things to other people. Not only words, but also the intonation with which a person speaks is an indicator of his inner state.

Who hurts the most when they say nasty things about him

Of course, it is unpleasant for every person to hear nasty things about himself from strangers. It is even worse when people from close circle say nasty things - work colleagues, family members, friends. When we find out about this - wow, how it becomes bad at heart.

People with the anal-visual ligament of vectors feel the greatest pain. Their inner desire is to be good for everyone. They are ready to do something for another just like that, for ordinary human gratitude, it is difficult for them to say “no” to someone. Therefore, work colleagues and relatives often use their reliability and consider it in the order of things.

And what is it like for such a person to hear nasty things being said behind his back? Pain and resentment can close his heart to other people for a long time.

What to do if they say nasty things

When we do not know and do not understand the true reasons why men or women can say nasty things, we, of course, suffer a lot. You can and should change your environment and seek to associate with those who inspire confidence, encourage and inspire. But is it always easy to change your environment? After all, people are not a wardrobe that can be changed in one fell swoop: throw away old things, buy new ones, and it seems that new life started.

You can start sorting things out. Protect your honor and dignity, demand an apology. This is correct if there is sufficient mental resource and stress resistance. And you can’t put a scarf on every mouth.

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan makes it possible to learn to calmly and without pain respond to situations when people say nasty things behind their backs, to understand their internal states and real reasons their dislike. Without accusation and condemnation, it is easy to understand why this is happening, and not give the expected reaction that can harm, but make informed and effective decisions for each specific situation.

“... It so happened that my father was always distinguished by excessive irascibility and aggression, which he splashed out on the people around him.

Spontaneously, at the sight of a random passerby man on the street, there was severe discomfort and the reactions I observed - burst into tears from impotence, or aggression and the desire to attack first - both were incredibly difficult to restrain ... "

“... The constant oppressive feeling of anxiety is gone, I always feel balanced and calm, not detached, but calm.

I’ll tell you a secret, I was an outcast at school (to put it mildly), you can imagine what an achievement it is to stop hating and despising people, I begin to reach out to them, take an interest, I know what exactly and to whom I need to say in order to automatically endear myself. Communication has become more convenient and comfortable for me and especially for others :)

I feel people that they love, what they live with, what can be expected from this or that, who can and cannot be trusted. I would not want my story to be boring, I’ll just say: if you have a feeling of anxiety, fear (for yourself and others), depression, apathy, lack of hope for tomorrow, doubts about yourself and your loved ones, irritability, resentment on a person who seems impossible to forget - you can handle it. Come to class and you won't regret it. Tested on myself…”

You can start learning to understand the full depth of a person’s mental properties, his desires, how they differ, how they develop and are filled, at the free online lectures “System Vector Psychology” by Yuri Burlan.

The article was written using the materials of Yuri Burlan's online training "System-Vector Psychology"
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