Self-esteem below the plinth, friends do not appreciate, husband does not love?! Learn how to get rid of complexes, regain confidence and self-respect!

Low self-esteem, without exaggeration, can be called the eighth deadly sin for any person, and especially for a woman. Ladies who constantly doubt themselves, a priori, cannot be happy, and therefore do not fulfill their intended purpose - to give the joy of life to everyone around them.

Where there is no confidence, complexes rule the ball, instantly putting an end to any undertakings.

As a rule, an insecure woman cannot find a decent job, make good friends or meet a decent man, and if nothing changes, she will forever remain on the “bench”.

Why don't we love ourselves

Low self-esteem never appears on its own, the main reasons for its occurrence are:

• childhood spent with insufficiently loving, often critical or constantly conflicting parents;
• school time full of grievances and blunders, which created false ideas in the child about his capabilities, advantages and disadvantages;
• regular failures, pursuing an adult for a long period of time and undermining his faith in his own strength.

Signs of Low Self-Esteem

1. Aggressiveness and persistent desire to dominate. Oddly enough, but the representatives of the weaker sex, who use the slightest opportunity to demonstrate their superiority to others and gladly humiliate everyone who allows them, are often the most notorious creatures on earth.
2. Excessive shyness and constant embarrassment. Unlike their aggressive friends in misfortune, timid women cannot resist offenders, dominate someone and are completely unable to defend their rights. They are characterized by unquestioning execution of any requests and orders, even if they run counter to their own interests.
3. Propensity for perfectionism. Popular wisdom says that there should be a measure for everything. An uncontrollable striving for perfection in all aspects, which is simply impossible to achieve, is a hallmark of low self-esteem and often leads to depression, nervous breakdowns and all-consuming hatred.
4. Jealousy and possessiveness. Ladies who believe that these feelings indicate a violent temperament and increased emotionality are deeply mistaken. In fact, the desire to completely control a loved one, carefully monitoring his every step, stems from extreme self-doubt.
5. Frequent attempts to evoke feelings of pity. Notorious persons, mired in worries about their own worthlessness, are trying to attract the attention of others around “every corner” by telling the tragic circumstances of their lives. Unfortunately, this tactic often backfires, causing people to avoid them even more.
6. Inability to make decisions. Women with low self-esteem always try to shift the responsibility for their actions to someone else. Making a decision on their own is like death for them, and they begin the discussion of any problem with the question: what would you do in my place ?!

What is the need to work on yourself

Asking the question, why do I, in fact, have high self-esteem, I first need to get rid of the illusions that allow notorious people not to notice the wretchedness of their own lives. The most powerful incentive to start working on yourself is the desire to get out of the shadows and find your place under the sun.

A self-confident woman rarely suffers from unrequited love, easily outstrips her rivals in the struggle for a highly paid position, and even knows how to turn her failures to her advantage.

Instead of whining and looking for someone to blame, she carefully analyzes the situation, draws the right conclusions and enters a new day with the clear intention of achieving a complete victory where she was defeated yesterday.

How to boost a woman's self-esteem

Increasing self-esteem in a woman is not an easy task, especially if self-doubt accompanies her for many years.

Wanting to achieve the desired result by all means, it is necessary to understand that thoughts are material, radically change the way of thinking and adopt the following tips:

1. Always watch your posture. The unforgettable secretary Vera from the movie "Office Romance" was absolutely right when she said that the right walk is the key to success. Hunched over and slanted, only notorious persons hobble, and self-confident women float around the world with their heads held high and their backs straight.
2. Smile as often as possible. At the same time, it is not enough just to part your lips in a violent welcoming grin, the smile must come from the depths of the soul and be absolutely sincere. Only then will she bring the desired results - she will soften those around her and make them want to get to know the owner of a cheerful disposition as closely as possible.
3. Take care of your appearance. No self-esteem courses will help a woman who considers herself ugly. Fortunately, in modern world for the benefit of the fair sex, there are numerous beauty salons that allow you to significantly improve your natural data.
4. Update your wardrobe regularly. New things, as well as the very process of acquiring them, quite often provoke a rise in self-esteem to the very high level. In addition, a smartly dressed lady attracts much more attention of the male population of the planet than a modest mouse dressed in a washed sweater.
5. Find your hobbies. People who are open to everything new are much better at coping with low self-esteem, because by acquiring additional knowledge, they begin to believe in themselves more. At the same time, you can do anything: yoga, painting, landscape design, learning foreign languages, knitting, rock climbing - the list is almost endless.
6. Eliminate the wrong people from your social circle. Notorious women have few real friends, but false friends often curl around them, from time to time arranging an “energy feast” for themselves. How to deal with them?! To drive with the same broom to the very threshold and even further, because as long as such personalities stand guard over your self-esteem, it is not possible to raise it.
7. Avoid unnecessary responsibilities. To the best of your ability to help relatives and friends in solving their problems is wonderful, but only as long as a person does not begin to act to his own detriment. When you feel like you can't handle the load, learn to say "no" and not blame yourself for it.

Forget the past by forgiving your parents

If the cause of low self-esteem lies in childhood, the easiest way to end it is to understand the causes of parental negativity and show understanding.

Mom and dad were young, it is quite possible that they did not know how to raise a child, and therefore showed excessive severity. Be that as it may, but this is a thing of the past and in order to easily move on through life, you need to carefully end it.

Learn to accept yourself for who you are.

Long legs, luxurious hair or a large bust cannot make a happy woman suffering from all sorts of complexes. Having corrected one "flaw", she will immediately find a hundred others in herself.

The only way to get out of the vicious circle is to understand that happiness is not a free addition to a flawless appearance, which means that you need to look for the problem in something else.

Never compare yourself to anyone

In this vast world there are and always will be people who are much more fortunate in something: they are smarter, richer, luckier or more beautiful. However, comparing yourself to them is the most pointless exercise you can find.

Instead of wasting precious time on it, it is better to engage in self-improvement and rejoice every day, even if insignificant, but YOUR successes.

Strive to fulfill your dreams

Women who have long been drowned in their own complexes do not believe that the dream of their life will ever come true. And they are 100% right! While they sit on the couch, moaning about the vicissitudes of fate, she will certainly float away into other people's, less “occupied” hands.

The only way to prevent this is to start a difficult path to achieve the desired goal, no matter what and against all odds.

Drive away negative thoughts

Some representatives of the weaker sex, timid and unsure of themselves, tend to indulge in negative thoughts for a long time, literally reveling in the hopelessness emanating from them.

Such behavior, most often, leads to sad consequences, because our life is what we think about it. You can solve the problem only by tuning in a positive way and by properly changing your thinking.

Dear women, the path of self-love can be long, winding and very difficult, but retreating, you lose hope of ever knowing how wonderful it is to be a truly self-sufficient person!

Video: How to raise self-esteem for a woman

Lifehacker has collected five tips that will open your eyes to a lot and help improve the opinion of your beloved.

1. Stop thinking of yourself as "just a woman"

Society inspires us with the idea that women are inconsistent, they cannot find themselves, and therefore at work, many feel like impostors, claiming someone else's place as a breadwinner. At home, women suffer from the fact that, due to being busy, they cannot devote sufficient time to “truly feminine” affairs: creating comfort, caring for children, and so on.

This confusion in social roles, the inability to break between the diametrically opposed statuses of a “purposeful Amazon” for colleagues and business partners and a “affectionate domestic cat” for her husband and children lead to the fact that a woman loses self-confidence and begins to doubt her own abilities.

At first glance, everything is so. Indeed, the woman has many reasons for doubt. But an important nuance is that men have no less such reasons.

There is no evidence that women suffer from low self-esteem more than men.

3. Use Popular Techniques to Boost Your Self-Esteem

Both sexes can effectively use universal recommendations on developing self-love:

In addition to them, you can also concentrate on methods that take into account the physical and psychological characteristics of women.

Find a comfortable way to appear taller

"Look down" is not just a catchphrase about snobbery. This is one of the principles on which social relations work: we subconsciously perceive high growth as one of the signs of a leader. , for example, you can read a detailed article by the authoritative American edition of Business Insider on this subject: it contains the benefits that a person receives through growth. Subconscious perception shapes reality, and if you feel physically superior to others, your self-esteem rises at the same time.

It is relatively easy for a woman to feel "more majestic" if she wears high-heeled or platform shoes, or at least raises the seat of an office chair higher so that she can rise above her counterpart during negotiations. Yes, to increase growth can also have a positive effect.

Watch your posture

A straight back has a powerful effect on behavior and self-perception. The reason is in many ways: a raised chin and straightened shoulders cause the release of testosterone - a “masculine” hormone that gives assertiveness and self-confidence. In addition, a proud posture reduces stress levels and reduces anxiety.

Gesticulate

Confidence is often related to how much space we occupy in space. Remember wildlife: large dominant animals move sweepingly and imposingly. But those who are hunted, on the contrary, try to be as small and inconspicuous as possible. Gesticulation during a conversation helps to expand the place in the space that you occupy. As a result, you will feel more freedom and self-confidence.

If you are not used to gesturing, you should practice in front of a mirror to find exactly those movements that will look as natural as possible.

Don't cross your arms over your chest

This closed posture is also a way to appear small and inconspicuous, so a person who has closed his hands from the world is perceived by others as weak. Yes, and he himself begins to feel as such.

If during a conversation you do not know where to put your hands, rest them on your sides: put your palms on your waist, bending your elbows. This is an open pose that exudes confidence.

Don't be afraid to laugh at your mistakes

Insecure people tend to make excuses or hide mistakes. Confident people take responsibility for their decisions, both good and bad. Saying “Yes, I made a mistake here, next time I will have to do it differently” is actually much easier than it seems. And this is by which others define a psychologically strong person.

Ask yourself the question "So what?"

Often we are afraid of some things that do not really have significant consequences. To sober up yourself at such moments, it is useful to ask the question “So what?”. For example:

• “I want to voice it, but what if other people don’t support me?” - So what?
• “I would like to go to this event, but I hardly know anyone there ...” - so what?
• “I can forget what to say next during the presentation” - so what?

This simple express introspection allows you to understand: even with the most negative scenario of the development of events, nothing terrible will happen to you. This means you can take action.

Find a role model

Among the people around you, there will certainly be those who demonstrate confident behavior and high self-esteem. Take a look at them. Try to act like them. This is one way to adopt successful life principles and "copy" the desired level of confidence.

4. Do what you love

Doing what you love is one of the most effective ways raise self-esteem. The hardest part here is finding one that you really like.

5. Be active

There is a very popular version that low self-esteem is a form of passive aggression Causes of Passive-Aggressive Behavior. Someone says: “I don’t want!”, “I won’t!” And someone is afraid to voice their refusal aloud, and then it sounds: “I can’t, I’m just small and weak.” Not believing in yourself is often just a way to make excuses for your own inaction, to lay responsibility on others. But this method is destructive.

Low self-esteem is treated only by action. Action (even if through fear) → success (even after one or two not very successful attempts) → increased self-confidence and self-confidence. This is the most effective cure for self-loathing.

• • Self-assessment functions and their role
• • "Symptoms" of low self-esteem
• • Signs of “healthy” (high) self-esteem
• • Reason #1. Family upbringing mistakes
  • Reason number 2. Frequent failures in childhood
  • Reason number 3. Lack of clear life goals and passions
  • Reason number 4. Negative social environment
  • Reason number 5. Health problems and flaws in appearance
• • Method number 1. Change the environment and try to communicate more with successful people
  • Method number 2. Attending special trainings, seminars and other events
  • Method number 3. Don't be afraid to take unusual actions
  • Method number 4. Let go of too much self-criticism
  • Method number 5. Sports and healthy lifestyle
  • Method number 6. Regular listening to affirmations
  • Method number 7. Keep a diary of personal successes and achievements
• 9. Conclusion

What is the essence and importance of the concept of "self-esteem". “The most important thing is how you see yourself.” This statement is the true truth, it is almost impossible not to agree with it.

Indeed, any victory, from the most insignificant to a brilliant triumph, is undoubtedly the result of the fact that at a certain stage of his life a person absolutely sincerely believed in himself, correctly assessed own importance, gained firm faith in the strength of his abilities.

In this article you will learn:

• What is self-esteem?
• How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence? And how to develop it?
• Does self-esteem affect human behavior?

We will also discuss how most people evaluate themselves and how the course of their life depends on self-perception.

Boost Your Confidence - 7 Ways to Boost Your Self-Esteem

1. What is self-esteem: definition and its impact on our lives

Self-esteem - this is the opinion of the individual about the importance and significance of his own personality relative to other people, as well as his assessment of personal qualities - shortcomings and advantages.

Undoubtedly, for the full-fledged harmonious functioning of a person in a social environment, an objective self-assessment is necessary.

Without a healthy sense of self and understanding of the value of one's own personality, a person's achievement of many life goals - success in society, career development and advancement, sufficient self-realization, material prosperity, harmony in the family circle, spiritual well-being - becomes completely impossible. (Read also the article - and money in your life, there you will find all the popular ways to attract money)

Self-assessment functions and their role

Self-assessment performs the following functions:

• Protective- guarantees a certain independence of the individual from outside opinion;
• Regulatory- provides an opportunity to solve problems of personal preference;
• Educational- initiates an impetus to the improvement of the individual.

In the early stages of the formation of self-esteem, of course, it is of paramount importance assessment of the child's personality those around them - primarily parents, as well as educators and teachers, friends and peers.

Under ideal conditions, self-esteem should be determined only by the individual's own opinion of himself, but in society this is impossible. A person is in constant psychological interaction with other people, and, therefore, his formation as a person and the formation of his self-esteem are influenced by countless factors.

According to psychologists and experts, perfect self-esteem –it is an extremely accurate and correct assessment of a person's own abilities. This is extremely important!

After all, if self-esteem is underestimated, then it forces a person to constantly doubt the choice of a particular decision, to think for a long time, be afraid and, often, make the wrong choice. But too high self-esteem, on the contrary, leads to the fact that a person’s decisions are unjustifiably bold, sometimes even bold, do not correspond to the potential of his capabilities, and this also leads to a huge number of gross life mistakes.

Nevertheless, more often psychologists are faced with the problem of underestimating a person of his strengths and capabilities. Such a person is completely unable to reveal his potential properly, while he is absolutely unaware of where his problem lies, makes more and more mistakes due to constant self-doubt, and does not understand at all how to raise self-esteem. Due to the constant feeling of the meaninglessness of their existence, people with low self-esteem are often unsuccessful, poor, unhappy.

One of the most common pathological manifestations of low self-esteem is inferiority complex .

2. Learn to respect and love yourself - this is immensely important!

Raising self-esteem means learning to respect yourself, to love yourself, i.e. accept yourself exactly as you are, with all your flaws and vices. It is in order to understand how to gain self-confidence and develop it that we wrote this article, since confidence and self-esteem are closely intertwined.

How to become self-confident? How to develop confidence?

It has long been known that ideal people simply do not exist. We all have flaws. But a self-confident person differs from a constantly vacillating, indecisive and insecure person in that he notices not only his own shortcomings, but also remembers the merits, which every person probably also has. In addition, a self-confident person is undoubtedly able to present himself favorably in society.

If you do not love yourself, who else will take on such a responsibility? How can other people love you? There is an interesting psychological phenomenon - consciously and subconsciously people always strive for contacts and communication with self-confident persons. It is these people who are most often preferred as business partners, friends, and life partners.

If you tend to doubt yourself and blame yourself for every little thing, you yourself automatically program yourself for further failures, failures and make the decision-making process even more difficult.

Learn to finally notice your virtues, remember your achievements Don't hesitate to praise yourself once again. Forgive yourself for small failures and troubles, love and respect yourself - and soon you will notice how the attitude of others around you will change.

Self-esteem and self-confidence are very important characteristics when applying for a job. Therefore, we also recommend reading the article - when applying for a job "

"Symptoms" of low self-esteem

A person with low self-esteem often exhibits symptoms such as:

• excessive self-criticism, constant dissatisfaction with oneself;
• excessive susceptibility to criticism of other people, strong dependence on the judgments and opinions of others;
• an irresistible desire to please people, to always be something useful;
• a pronounced fear of making a mistake, slowness and a tendency to endless doubts when making a significant decision;
• inexplicable jealousy, irresistible envy of the success of others;
• hidden hostility to others;
• attitude to a permanent defensive position, the need to explain and justify all the time decisions made and actions taken
• pessimism, negativism, a tendency to see oneself and everything around in gloomy tones;

A person with low self-esteem often perceives temporary difficulties and minor life failures as permanent, and makes appropriate negative and, remarkably, wrong conclusions regarding existing potential and future opportunities.

The worse we perceive ourselves, the less we respect ourselves, the more negative the attitude of the people around us towards us. And this will inevitably lead to alienation, detachment and isolation, and consequently - a tendency to depression and many other psycho-emotional disorders.

3. Self-confidence and high self-esteem is an essential factor in achieving success in life!

Some people consider selfishness to be a sin, or at least something negative that is best avoided.

But in reality, a person's lack of self-love and lack of self-respect is precisely the source of countless complexes and many internal conflicts.

If a person has a low opinion of himself, the people around him will never have a different point of view about him. And vice versa - people with sufficient self-esteem are usually highly valued by others: their opinion is always authoritative and weighty, their interests are taken into account, they are sought to cooperate, make acquaintances, build friendships or start a family.

Thus, having learned to respect ourselves, we will certainly gain the respect of others, and, in addition, we will learn to be sober about the opinions of others about us.

Signs of “healthy” (high) self-esteem

People with good self-esteem have the following positive characteristics:

• Accept, love and respect their appearance as it is. And if they look for any shortcomings, they sensibly strive to overcome them;
• They do not question their strength, they are aimed at success and future victories;
• They are not afraid to take risks, make bold decisions, are more prone to active actions than to reflection, are not afraid to make mistakes and draw appropriate conclusions, learn from them;
• Cold-bloodedly perceive the criticism of others, calmly treat compliments;
• They know how to communicate with people with high quality, are always interested in their opinion and are not afraid to express their own, do not experience shyness, insecurity and embarrassment when communicating with previously unfamiliar people;
• With due respect for the opinions of other people, but always have and, if necessary, can defend and defend their own point of view;
• Take care of the health of their body and maintain a positive emotional well-being;
• Strive for self-development, continuous self-improvement, constant acquisition of new impressions, knowledge, experience;
• They are not inclined to concentrate their attention and dwell on the negative for a long time in case of any failure or failure.

Strong self-confidence and sufficient self-respect- the same indispensable factors for achieving success in life and human happiness, as water and the sun for the growth of plants. Without them, the progress of the individual is impossible. After all, low self-esteem completely deprives a person of any prospect and even the slightest hope for the future. positive changes .

4. Factors of low self-esteem - 5 main reasons

We know an immense number of factors that directly or indirectly affect the formation of our sense of self. A small role is given to genetic characteristics and hereditary predisposition, but environmental factors still have a decisive influence to a much greater extent.

Let's analyze the five most common reasons for a person to develop low self-esteem.

Reason #1. Family upbringing mistakes

As you know, each of us comes from childhood. And, oddly enough, many of our complexes and negative blocks of our consciousness also come from there. From the upbringing of the child in childhood directly depends on his future life. After all, it is in childhood that parents form those “rules” by which a person will live in the future, those “filters” through which he will evaluate what is happening around.

Therefore, the way you raise your child today - a direct mirror image of what kind of person you will get tomorrow. Believe me, the best, most important and valuable thing that a mother and father can do for the good of their children is to teach them to love themselves, to develop in them the proper level of self-respect.

Self-esteem of the future personality begins its formation in early childhood. At an early age, a child cannot yet objectively evaluate the results of his actions and actions on his own; therefore, the main source for the formation of his opinion about himself is the immediate environment, i.e. most often parents.

For a small child, parents are his whole world. If the parents are kind enough to him, his subconscious will form the installation " good world”, - a small person will be positively tuned.

If parents in childhood never encourage their children, but on the contrary, scold, constantly reproach and punish, the child simply will not have any foundation for developing self-love - the soil on which confidence in his abilities could form will be destroyed. We in no way call for connivance, but if you wish the best for your children, learn to notice not only their mistakes, but also their achievements. And be sure to pay them not only your attention, but also the attention of the child. If the baby constantly hears from you: “you are clumsy, awkward, stupid, etc. - this will certainly be deposited in his children's subconscious, and will leave its negative imprint on the development of the future personality.

Under no circumstances should you constantly compare and contrast your child with other children. Every person without exception it's individuality . Comparing a child with someone, we infringe him as a person from childhood, we contribute to the development of an inferiority complex in him.

If a child hears too many prohibitions in childhood, endless " No" And " it is forbidden”, - he is already potentially doomed to an unsuccessful life, low income, few friends in the future.

To a sharp decrease in self-esteem and a breakdown in confidence in one's own abilities, words and deeds, the endless criticism of parents of any initiatives, first undertakings and actions affects. Any positive initiative in childhood should certainly be encouraged! After all, even years later, being an adult for a long time, a person who was often criticized in childhood subconsciously still continues to be afraid of the same criticism, condemnation of others, and mistakes. Parents, and teachers, caregivers, coaches, must know how to raise self-esteem and self-esteem for a child who suffers from indecision, doubts and uncertainty .

Best Method- praise, unobtrusive encouragement. Sometimes it is enough to praise the child several times from the bottom of the heart for correctly performed independently. homework, a beautifully drawn drawing, a verse told with expression - and his self-esteem will certainly increase.

Do not forget that the center of the world for a child is his family. It is you who are the authors of the foundation of the core of the future personality. Passivity, lack of initiative, apathy, indecision, uncertainty and many other negative traits are a direct reflection of family, primarily parental, suggestions, attitudes, and incorrect models of education. As a rule, self-esteem is higher among the only children in families and among the first-born. For others, the “little brother complex” is common, which occurs when parents endlessly resort to comparing a younger child with an older one.

According to many psychologists , a family that is impeccable for laying good self-esteem - one where the mother is always calm, balanced and in good mood, and the father is moderately demanding, fair and has undeniable authority.

Reason number 2. Frequent failures in childhood

It is not unknown that our life is changeable and multifaceted, in it success alternates with bad luck, white stripes with black ones, victories with defeats. At some point, absolutely everyone will face life challenges. turmoil, malfunctions, banal failure.

No one is immune from all this, besides, it contributes to the emergence of life experience, the development of willpower, the formation of character. But undoubtedly important is our own attitude to the experienced misfortunes. And they can injure the child especially strongly, since the strength of character in him has not yet been finally formed.

Any experienced negative event can affect the vulnerable psyche of the child in the form of a lifelong guilt complex and a decline in self-esteem.

For example Sometimes children reproach themselves for the divorce of their parents or their endless quarrels, and then the children's guilt is modified into continuous doubts and inability to make a decision.

In childhood, entirely and completely harmless, from the position of an adult, events often acquire universal proportions.

Eg, having won silver, not gold medal in sports, an adult athlete will take a break and continue training even more stubbornly, and a child may break down, get psychological trauma and complexes for the rest of his life, especially if parents And trainer do not show a proper understanding of the situation.

What fuels low self-esteem in childhood? Failures and mistakes, ridicule of classmates, reckless remarks of adults, especially parents, criticism of teachers. As a result, a teenager has the wrong idea that he is bad, unlucky, inferior, unlucky, doomed to negativity in advance, and an erroneous feeling of guilt arises for his thoughts, decisions, actions.

Reason number 3. Lack of clear life goals and passions

If you do not have clear goals that you would like to achieve, positive aspirations, and do not even try to change something in better side, do not make any volitional efforts - accordingly, your life will continue to be boring and bleak, gray and monotonous.

Often, people who underestimate themselves live “according to the pattern”, half-heartedly “on autopilot”. They have long been accustomed to gray tones, an inconspicuous "mouse" lifestyle, a complete lack of fresh impressions and picturesque colors - and there is absolutely no desire to get out of an established quagmire. Over time, these lethargic people stop even properly looking after their appearance, resign themselves to a small income, stop dreaming and craving for something more. Of course, self-esteem in this case is not only low, but completely absent.

Growing up, a person becomes passive and apathetic, and then he shifts all the problems and troubles to his wife (husband) when he starts a family.

There is only one conclusion: for such a person there is simply a burning need - to increase self-esteem. Otherwise, his life will continue to be painted exclusively in gloomy tones, until he himself makes tremendous efforts to change his life and, most importantly, himself.

Reason number 4. Negative social environment

Science has proven the existence of mirror neurons - unusual brain cells that tend to become activated not only during the performance of a specific action, but also when observing the performance of this action by others. Thus, gradually we become to some extent similar to those who make up our inner circle.

If there are people around you without certain aspirations and specific life goals, who are in a stable spiritual suspended animation, where will you get the craving for internal modifications.

High self-esteem and healthy ambitions are possible only where there are role models. If people around you boring, passive, lack of initiative, got used to the gray and inconspicuous life "in the shadows", then it is quite likely that such an existence will absolutely suit you.

If you notice that everyone around you endlessly complains about life, constantly gossip, condemn others or slander, you need to try cross off these people from the inner circle by all available means. After all, in fact, they can be an obstacle to improving your creative potential and achieving your success.

Reason number 5. Health problems and flaws in appearance

Low self-esteem is often characteristic of children and adolescents with defects in appearance or congenital diseases.

Even if parents behave correctly, carefully and tactfully in relation to a child who has health problems, then peers will probably still leave a negative mark on his sense of self.

Common situation- overweight children, who are often made fun of in the children's team, give them various nicknames, often offensive. In this case, catastrophically low self-esteem cannot be avoided if the necessary measures are not taken in a timely manner.

Of course, it is worth trying, if possible, to eliminate the existing imperfections. If this is unrealistic, try to develop others in a person. necessary qualities that would help him become more resilient, strong, charismatic, funny, capable and self-confident.

The world knows a lot of examples where people with irreparable physical disabilities and incurable diseases have achieved tremendous success, universal recognition, acquired good families and live happiest life, which many have not seen even in their dreams. (To list a few of them: Carrie Brown, Nick Vujicic, Jessica Long, etc.)

5. How to increase self-esteem and confidence - 7 ways to increase self-esteem

Let's learn to raise self-esteem, develop self-confidence and start loving ourselves! Fortunately, there are a lot of ways to awaken faith in one's own strengths, but now let's dwell on seven of them, in our opinion, quite reliable and effective.

Method number 1. Change the environment and try to communicate more with successful people

If you drastically change your social circle and start contacting purposeful, successful, self-confident people, your life is guaranteed to change for the better very quickly.

Little by little you will regain your sense of self. dignity, self-respect, determination, courage, self-love, i.e. all those personal qualities, without which it is impossible achieving success in life .

Associating with prosperous and successful people, you will begin to appreciate your own individuality, you will become more careful in using your personal time, you will certainly find a life purpose, and you will certainly achieve success on your own.

Method number 2. Attending special trainings, seminars and other events

In any city, various events, specialized trainings and seminars are held for everyone, where psychologists help people become more self-confident and raise self-esteem.

Good specialists with experience in such work in the shortest possible time will be able to turn a timid, clumsy, indecisive person into a strong, strong-willed, self-satisfied and purposeful person. Main- have a sincere desire and tune in to the upcoming positive changes.

If you still do not want to resort to outside help, but are determined to deal with the problem on your own, you should read the following literature:

• Brian Tracy "Self-Esteem";
• Andelin Helen "The Charm of the Feminine"
• etc. (there is a lot of similar literature on the Internet)

Method number 3. Don't be afraid to take unusual actions

It is human nature to run away from problems and hide in the zone of habitual own comfort. This is quite understandable. It is much easier in difficult situations to calm yourself by eating a mountain of sweets, a lot of alcohol, or just sit at home in an armchair and feel sorry for yourself, savoring your own impotence. It is many times more difficult to adequately accept the challenge and accomplish something absolutely not characteristic of you before.

At first it will seem to you that outside the comfort zone is an unusual, hostile, alien and unwelcoming world, but then you will understand that real life, complete bright colors , unforgettable adventures and positive emotions, is located just where you have not been yet.

The constant presence in familiar conditions resembles life in a kind of invisible cage, from which you are afraid to leave only because you are used to it and do not know what awaits you outside it.

When you manage to leave "comfort zone" and at the same time remain calm, collected and balanced, you will receive a strong incentive to increase self-esteem and create a new, more attractive image.

No one is asking you to start with global change. For starters, for example, instead of returning from work to watch a long boring boring series, visit the gym or visit old friends.

Set a goal- to learn an unfamiliar language in six months or to meet a pretty girl this evening. Don't be afraid of mistakes! If for the first time everything doesn’t turn out smoothly and perfectly, you are guaranteed a lot of new impressions and an increase in self-esteem.

Method number 4. Let go of too much self-criticism

Stop finally engaging in self-flagellation, focusing on the negative, blaming yourself for mistakes made inadvertently, not an ideal appearance, another failure in your personal life. You will immediately feel much better!

You will not waste a lot of energy on self-criticism, and you will certainly find time and energy for other, more creative, necessary and worthy tasks.

Remember: whatever you are, you are the only unsurpassed, inimitable and unique person on this vast planet. Why endlessly compare yourself to others? Try to focus better on achieving the necessary goals, reconsider your potential and your personal idea of ​​\u200b\u200bhappiness.

Open your eyes to the positive qualities of your personality. Find your strengths and constantly work to improve them.

Finally, from any failures of the past, experienced disappointments and mistakes once made, one can withdraw an invaluable benefit, the name of which is worldly wisdom and life experience.

Method number 5. Sports and healthy lifestyle

It is known that one of the simplest and most effective methods increase self-esteem - actively engage in sports, dance, physical education or other activities focused on improving health and self-esteem. It is no secret that a healthy body has always been known as a receptacle for a healthy spirit and pure thoughts.

Going in for sports, a person begins to perceive his appearance less critically and automatically respect himself more. Moreover, improving self-esteem does not at all depend on the results of training: even if the changes are minimal, the activity itself, the process of training, is important.

The more energetic your workouts, the more you will begin to appreciate yourself. The presented phenomenon has an explanation from the point of view of biochemistry: during intensive sports, special substances are produced in the human body - dopamines- so-called. happy hormones.

Method number 6. Regular listening to affirmations

affirmation - this is a short verbal formula, which, with frequent repetition, forms a positive attitude in the human subconscious.

It is this attitude that further leads to the transformation of character traits and personality traits for the better. Now affirmations are considered by psychologists as one of the most effective ways of reprogramming a person's consciousness.

These verbal formulas are always voiced as a fact that has already come true, which makes a person perceive them as something inevitable, something that will inevitably happen in any case.

If our own subconscious considers us strong, successful, And purposeful, then little by little we really will definitely become such.

Main condition when using the linguistic miracle formula - strict regularity.

Method number 7. Keep a diary of personal successes and achievements

Sometimes a diary of your own victories and achievements you have created can help raise your self-esteem. This method is especially popular among women.

Be sure to get such a diary and enter data on everything that you have achieved for day, week, month. This is truly a powerful tool that will make you believe in yourself and boost your self-esteem.

Let every day his records be replenished with information about your victories, even very insignificant ones! And don't forget to read it regularly.

Use these methods regularly and then your self-esteem will be quite normal, your life will begin to improve, material problems will move to another level. By the way, do not forget to read: "", because without these recommendations it is impossible to gain financial independence.

6. Fight against dependence on public opinion

If you give too great importance the opinion of others - you are potentially dooming yourself to failure.

Of course, really kind, objective and constructive criticism, pointing out your specific mistakes and getting from reliable people who can actually be trusted, is very helpful and will help you develop and constantly improve. But excessive dependence on other people's views - this is a huge mistake.

Value your own opinion, have your own point of view, do only what you think is necessary, and not someone else. Do not attach colossal importance to other people's words! No one but you knows your true desires, goals, needs and cannot judge what is good for you and what is not. If you want to do something new and different, the question “what will people say to this” should never stop you.

Don't be afraid to pursue your dream and don't dwell on the consequences.

7. How to learn to manage your self-esteem and find yourself - 5 useful tips

Here are five important tips to help you manage your self-esteem:

1. Don't compare yourself to other people It's completely useless and stupid. It makes sense to compare only “myself in the past” and “myself now”, and in this case, you need to focus only on positive changes;
2. Don't criticize yourself tirelessly, better remind yourself of the list of your positive qualities, achievements and victories (even the tiniest ones);
3. Hang out with fun, positive people;
4. Do more of what you enjoy;
5. Think less! Do more!

Never forget that you are a most interesting outstanding person with a grandiose potential of unlimited possibilities. And only the development of good self-esteem is a reliable way to bring out your many abilities and talents to the fullest.

8. Self-esteem test - determine your level of attitude towards yourself

Answer the questions "yes" or "no" and then count the number of positive and negative answers.

1. *Do you often berate yourself for past mistakes?
2. * Do you like to gossip with friends, discuss your mutual acquaintances?
3. * Do you have any goals and clear plans for your future life?
4. * Are you into sports?
5. * Do you often worry and worry about trifles?
6. *When you're in a new company, don't you like to be "in the spotlight"?
7. *When meeting a person of the opposite sex, do you find it difficult to maintain a conversation?
8. *Does someone else's criticism upset you?
9. * Do you tend to envy the success of others?
10. * Are you easily hurt, offended by a careless word?

So, if you have:
From 1st to 3rd affirmative answers, - our congratulations, you have good , "healthy" self-esteem.
More than 3"yes" answers: your self-esteem underestimated. Work on it for sure.

9. Conclusion

Now you know that believing in your own strength, not being afraid to take risks, not attaching importance to criticism of the environment and soberly assessing your own talents is entirely possible and not at all difficult. Main- a sincere, genuine desire to change and a willingness to work on oneself.

You can believe in anything, hope for a miracle, God's help, good luck or a happy accident, but never forget that the most important thing is BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!

Realizing this, you, without any exaggeration, can radically change your whole life.

The level of self-esteem affects all the actions of a person. Most often, a person's self-esteem is underestimated, that is, a person's real capabilities are higher than a person's ideas about their capabilities. This is usually due to the fact that the formation of self-esteem occurs mainly in childhood, when a person's capabilities are poorly developed. In addition, a negative environment has a serious impact. Of course, there are cases when a person has high self-esteem, but, in my opinion, this is typical only for very young people. For adults, however, the situation is reversed.

It is quite possible to increase self-esteem, although this is often a rather slow process. However, conscious attempts at building self-esteem can be beneficial to just about anyone.

How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence? Here are 12 tips to help you do just that:

1. Stop comparing yourself to other people. There will always be people who have more than you and there are people who have less than you. If you make comparisons, you will always have too many opponents or opponents in front of you that you cannot surpass.

2. Stop scolding and blaming yourself. You will not be able to develop a high level of self-esteem if you repeat negative statements about yourself and your abilities. Do you talk about your appearance, your career, relationships, financial situation, or any other aspect of your life, avoid self-deprecating comments. Self-esteem correction is directly related to your statements about yourself.

3. Accept all compliments and congratulations with a “thank you” in return. When you respond to a compliment with something like “yes, nothing special,” you are rejecting the compliment and simultaneously sending yourself the message that you are not worthy of praise, building low self-esteem. Therefore, accept praise without belittling your dignity.

4. Use affirmations (statements) in order to increase self-esteem. Put on a commonly used item, such as a plastic card or wallet, a statement like, “I love and accept myself” or “I am an attractive woman and deserve the best in life.” May this affirmation be with you always. Repeat the affirmation several times throughout the day, especially before going to bed and after you wake up. Whenever you repeat an affirmation, feel positive emotions about the affirmation. Thus, the impact effect will be greatly enhanced.

5. Use self-esteem workshops, books, audio and video recordings. Any information you allow into your mind takes root there and influences your behavior. Dominant information influences your actions in a dominant way. If you watch negative television programs or read crime stories in the newspapers, you are likely to be in a cynical and pessimistic mood. In the same way, if you read books or listen to programs that are positive in nature and capable of boosting self-esteem, you will acquire qualities from them.

6. Try to communicate with positive and confident people who are ready to support you. When you are surrounded negative people that constantly overwhelm you and your ideas, your self-esteem goes down. On the other hand, when you are accepted and encouraged, you feel better and your self-esteem grows.

7. Make a list of your past accomplishments. It doesn't have to be something monumental. The list might include small wins, like learning to snowboard, getting a driver's license, going to the gym regularly, etc. Review this list regularly. As you read your achievements, try to close your eyes and feel the satisfaction and joy you once experienced again.

8. Make a list of your positive qualities. Are you honest? Selfless? Helpful to others? Creative? Be kind to yourself and write down at least 20 of your positive qualities. As with the previous list, it is important to review this list often. Many people focus on their shortcomings, reinforcing their low self-esteem there, and then wonder why everything in their life is not as good as they would like. Start focusing on your strengths and you will be much more likely to achieve what you want.

9. Start giving more to others. I'm not talking about money. This refers to giving of yourself in the form of deeds by which you can help others or positively encourage others. When you do something for others, you begin to feel like a more valuable individual, and your self-esteem and mood increase.

10. Try to do what you enjoy. It's hard to feel positive about yourself if your days are spent at a job you despise. Self-esteem flourishes when you are busy with work or any other vigorous activity that brings you pleasure and makes you feel more valued. Even if your work does not completely suit you, you can devote your free time to some of your hobbies that bring you joy.

11. Be true to yourself. Live your own life. You will never respect yourself if you don't spend your life the way you want to spend it. If you make decisions based on the approval of your friends and family, you are not true to yourself and will have low self-esteem.

12. Take action! You will not be able to develop a high level of self-esteem if you sit still and do not accept the challenges that arise in front of you. When you act, regardless of the result, your sense of self-esteem grows, you feel more pleasant feelings about yourself. When you procrastinate due to fear or some other anxiety, you will only feel upset and sad feelings, which, of course, will lead to a decrease in self-esteem.

You are a unique person, with great opportunities, with great potential. As your self-esteem grows, your true abilities will unfold. You will begin to take more risks and not be afraid of rejection; you will not be guided by the approval of other people; your relationships will be much more beneficial both for you and for others; you will do what brings you joy and satisfaction. Most importantly, high self-esteem will bring you peace of mind and you will truly appreciate yourself.

Many people throughout their lives seek false ways to increase their self-esteem by hiding behind expensive things, striving for the perfect figure. If you think for a second and remember some famous and successful personalities who were seen in simple clothes and hardly looked like they were successful, more like “hipsters”. It is unlikely that they suffer from low self-esteem, because their bank account says otherwise.

Everything comes from our consciousness and subconsciousness, from how and what we think and what feelings we experience at this moment.

Of course, our physical health also plays an important role. The way we eat, whether we exercise. After all, if we feel unwell, we are unlikely to be sure of everything.

1. Fear.

Often, before making a decision, we experience fear. Fear protects our body from danger, leaving us in a comfort zone, as a result of which we do not dare to change something. Everyone dreams of something they can't start doing, someone has always wanted to learn how to snowboard or open their own cooking, and maybe even have a baby. But at the stage of thinking about it, we already experience fear, although we have not even taken a step to implement the plan.

One of the first goals on the path to self-esteem is to get rid of fear.

Sit at home in a quiet room, relax and think about your fear. Think of it like a picture in a frame. Then imagine how this picture moves away from you and becomes less and less noticeable, eventually turning into a dot that disappears altogether.

The next way to get rid of fear is to feel the insignificance of fear, as well as the fact that it does not deserve your worries. And then erase this picture with your hand, as if you were rubbing your hand on a misted window.

2. Flexibility of character.

Develop the flexibility of your character. Everyone has probably noticed a sharp reaction to a minor event - for example, friends decide to cancel a meeting at the last minute. Scientists believe that this comes from our childhood. To begin with, clearly define in what cases you begin to overreact. Are the circumstances so terrible that they would react in such a way? Is this situation worth it to react so sharply? If these questions make you feel defensive, then you are indeed overreacting to this situation. The first step towards overcoming such reactions is to recognize their nature and understand what in your past caused them. Another way is to intentionally, consciously change your habits. Ask yourself how attached you are to your usual plans. Can you take a different route from work? Or go to the store on Wednesday instead of Thursday as usual? Can you change your plans without disorienting yourself? This is your chance to become more flexible. Flexibility in one area makes it possible to develop flexibility in other areas.

3. Set goals for yourself and solve them.

Set realistic goals and achieve them. Choose the most important of everyday things and solve them. You will experience a sense of satisfaction and ease if you start with the most challenging tasks and you will gradually move towards the easier ones. Perhaps success will not always be, but this should not oppress you, on the contrary, remember the tasks that you have already completed. Feel confident that you can achieve everything (“the foundation was poured, the walls were installed, the ceiling remained, but there are not enough resources. It’s okay. But how quickly the foundation was poured and how well everything else was done”). Always think about what you are good at. If something works out, then you deserve it. Self-confidence will come when you realize that the tasks are completed, even if they were small and simple.

How to learn to appreciate yourself?

Each of us is a unique personality, each has a certain set of personal qualities, skills, achievements. Everyone perceives the world in their own way. In order to notice your uniqueness and enjoy it every day, write down on a piece of paper everything that you consider to be the best in yourself. These can be beautiful eyes or certain professional achievements (“I have a lot of experience in a certain field”), as well as character traits (“responsive”, “I can listen”). If you think of something you don't like, don't write it down. Do not limit yourself to one day, constantly re-read and add to the list.

You can also ask your relatives and relatives about how and under what situation they could turn to you as a specialist, a person with experience. Write it down and read it periodically. This will give you self-confidence as well as the peace of mind that there are people to turn to for support.

4. Find something that gives you strength and confidence.

Perhaps this is yoga or a walk along the embankment, or maybe these are minutes spent reading your favorite book, or just pleasant memories that fill you with a sense of satisfaction, after which you feel a surge of strength and joy.

Fill your life with colors. Do not leave the gilded service for the holidays, take it out and use it every day, enjoying its beauty.

Also, psychologists advise to develop what gives you strength and confidence. If you are not given foreign languages ​​(and you have already signed up for courses in foreign language) and at the same time you are in a depressed state, the success of others can only aggravate your condition. Instead, focus on what works best for you. Awareness of your own mastery enhances self-confidence due to the positive emotions that you experience (pride, joy, lightness of mind).

5. Keep and emphasize your uniqueness.

No need to drown in the problems of her husband and in caring for children. You can love a person, perform various “feats” for him and enjoy it, but you cannot live for him, and he cannot live for you. Your loved one fell in love with you for who you are, do not lose your uniqueness and individuality.

Now you know how to raise a woman's self-esteem! If you have your own ways, then share them in the comments!

Video by a professional psychologist on how to increase self-esteem. Where do legs grow from and how to deal with it?